the heart of it all
As a society, the consequences of our (in)actions, lifestyles and unchecked freedom are here for us to face. Many of life’s layers have been peeled back. At times, it can feel impossible to find positivity amongst the current events.
To look at the heart of it all is to find hope. Despite the external world, we still have the people and animals we love, the small moments of joy, our feelings and thoughts. We have this experience to share with each other.
The way we choose.
Kindness. Humility.
Compassion. Simplicity.
To sit together
with the truth that is not ours.
To crave understanding
is to complicate the moment.
It’s the best we have.
Essay made in September 2020 for Emerson Collective’s America Seen project.
My family is my core. My cousin, Jasmine, is not just a cousin- she’s my sister. We’re both in the middle of our lives and thinking of our futures- trying to make plans that balance our families, careers, and homes. How can we plan this, not knowing if our near future will have total social unrest, the ability to move about freely, or a functioning economy? Jazzy constantly reminds me to find a positive perspective, to “make decisions based on hope, not fear.”
My mom and stepdad talk to my niece on the phone. Video calls have become a common way of life. While I greatly miss our family get-togethers, I’m grateful for the chance to see loved ones, even if only on a screen. My mom is the center of our family- an ever-loving human whose purpose seems to be to bring people together in various, subtle ways- usually involving food. I’ve been discussing world events with her all summer and her simple, succinct statement keeps popping up in my head, “It seems like people forgot how to be kind.”
Duckie, a former student of mine, has been involved with the Black Lives Matter Utah chapter. Throughout the summer, I’ve observed her activism through educating others, protesting and creating positive representation of the racial justice movement. I know the future is bright in the hands of such highly aware, devoted, talented and caring young people.
Since the pandemic started, my faithful dog and I have spent so much time together, it feels like we’re melding into each other. He’s always here, lovingly following me around- laying under the desk, sleeping, as I type these words. After 13 years of friendship every single day, he is truly a best friend in the way no other friend can be.
Visits on the lawn with my grandma this summer are the kind of special memories that are so special, you already miss them while they’re happening. As I learn the stories of her life, and of my Chinese culture, I feel the respect for my ancestry grow. With this respect and knowledge, I feel a strength building inside of me. Talking to my grandma makes me want to do better, to be better, to make her proud, to honor my ancestors. On top of the perfectly trimmed umbrella tree, the glorious red and golden Phoenix lands- ready to rise from the still-burning ashes. We’ll watch it fly away gracefully, with 100 colorful songbirds following.
When spending time with kids, it’s almost impossible to not feel hope for the future and a desire to improve our communities. Chloe is my best friend Sara’s daughter. This is a moment when Chloe and I were alone together. We’ve had to evaluate our friendships with new considerations that keep our safety in mind. In this process, we find which ones really matter to us, matter so much that the joy and peace they bring are worth the risk of a virus.